Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Ramblin's From a Fugitive Part Duex



Well, it turns out I have the "bestest" attorney in the South. He's tall and blond like Matthew McCounaghey in a "Time to Kill" but acts a lot more like Harry Rex...although I've never seen him wear a seersucker suit. He's married to a real sweet southern gal.
Anyhoo, he's talked to the authorities down there in Sweet Home Alabama and they've agreed that I would be much more trouble on the inside than the out.
Word had gotten around that I might be on my way down there to work on the chain gang and letters have been pouring into the Department of Corrections.
It seems a number companies...i.e {MAC Cosmetics, Victoria's Secret, Coach, Via Spiga) were really concerned about the drop of revenue that would incur with my incarceration. They felt with the economy being so shaky...it just wasn't a good idea.
So, the higher ups have agreed that I should attend driving school (as if...I KNOW how to drive...how else could I handle a car at such high speeds)and pay court cost and promise never, ever to drive in the state of Alabama again. The last part was just my stipulation but as I see it if I can't drive...I never have to be the designated driver...MORE FUN FOR MOMMA!
So, peace out to Shaniqua and Sharon. I know I promised you girls cigarettes to cover my back in the pokey. I'm a girl of my word. See you on Sunday visitation with a bucket of chicken and a carton of cigs!

3 comments:

Big Pissy said...

Damn!

And here I was...all ready to make the weekly drive to Wetumpka to visit you and Shaniqua and Sharon at Julia Tutweiler.

I cannot TELL you how distraught I am.... ;-)

Dejoni said...

Me too.
I had changed my makeup palette to go with the orange jumpsuit and had even been googling ways I could dye my roots in the pokey.
I found out I could smuggle in straight peroxide for a two packs of Marlboro's...100's not the short pack.

Brittany said...

Thank God, I was going to send you a copy of Shawshank Redemption and season one of Oz to prepare you:)