Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Ramblin's From a Fugitive Part Duex

Well, it turns out I have the "bestest" attorney in the South. He's tall and blond like Matthew McCounaghey in a "Time to Kill" but acts a lot more like Harry Rex...although I've never seen him wear a seersucker suit. He's married to a real sweet southern gal.
Anyhoo, he's talked to the authorities down there in Sweet Home Alabama and they've agreed that I would be much more trouble on the inside than the out.
Word had gotten around that I might be on my way down there to work on the chain gang and letters have been pouring into the Department of Corrections.
It seems a number companies...i.e {MAC Cosmetics, Victoria's Secret, Coach, Via Spiga) were really concerned about the drop of revenue that would incur with my incarceration. They felt with the economy being so just wasn't a good idea.
So, the higher ups have agreed that I should attend driving school (as if...I KNOW how to else could I handle a car at such high speeds)and pay court cost and promise never, ever to drive in the state of Alabama again. The last part was just my stipulation but as I see it if I can't drive...I never have to be the designated driver...MORE FUN FOR MOMMA!
So, peace out to Shaniqua and Sharon. I know I promised you girls cigarettes to cover my back in the pokey. I'm a girl of my word. See you on Sunday visitation with a bucket of chicken and a carton of cigs!


Big Pissy said...


And here I was...all ready to make the weekly drive to Wetumpka to visit you and Shaniqua and Sharon at Julia Tutweiler.

I cannot TELL you how distraught I am.... ;-)

Dejoni said...

Me too.
I had changed my makeup palette to go with the orange jumpsuit and had even been googling ways I could dye my roots in the pokey.
I found out I could smuggle in straight peroxide for a two packs of Marlboro's...100's not the short pack.

Brittany said...

Thank God, I was going to send you a copy of Shawshank Redemption and season one of Oz to prepare you:)