Thursday, May 29, 2008

Marriage is a Compromise



Life is good here in the Redneck Riviera. I love Alabama.
My husband agreed to take me to these wonderful antique shops I've been dying to visit since we started coming here....and he thought while we were out, we could check out the Mossy Oak outlet store.
Since I'm a good wife, I agreed. Although, I didn't enjoy it.
How much camouflage do men need? I can understand having a couple of outfits for hunting....but geez! They even have camo lingerie. What the? If you have to put camo on your woman to sleep with her...Wouldn't a bread sack be cheaper?
Anyhoo, that's just my opinion...and it really don't mean crap.

Hugs



I have come all the way to Alabama to have a vacation sans the children...and guess what my husband is watching on TV? Cartoons. I am not lying.
He was flipping through the channels and stopped on the Disney channel and informed me he liked Manny. What the? I am not watching cartoons this week. End of discussion.
Called and checked on Ella. She and Nana were laying in bed talking and watching TV. Ella is at her sweetest first thing in the morning when she comes and gets in bed with you. She gives the best hugs and kisses. I'm missing them.....but not enough to come home yet.
Gotta go to the beach! I have lots of books to read and daiquiri's to drink.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Momma's on Vacation



You see this beach? This is where I will be tomorrow afternoon. You know what's even better than being on the beach? Being on the beach without the kids! That's right...momma's on vacation.
Starting in the morning until Sunday night, I will no longer be changing diapers, wiping snotty noses, cutting anyone's meat, playing referee between sisters, or waking up at the crack ass of dawn.
The only thing on my agenda for the next few days is sleeping, eating, sunning on the beach, and partaking in several fruity cocktails.
I need to say a special shout out to Nana, Granny and Mimi for taking care of the girls! Thank you!
I'll be thinking of all you hard workin' momma's back home! Suckers!

Ray-Ray's Recital

Rachel's recital is here.
I put it on my youtube page. If this doesn't work...Lord help me!
She did such a fabulous job and we are so proud. As a parent, I was blown away by her talent. Ray-Ray you are a diamond in the rough who you only let us she you shine when you want...but when you do.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCGIGpWzTXk

Monday, May 26, 2008

Senorita Ella


Senorita Ella is riding her burro in search of Cheetos. Fiesta Mexico restaurant has no Cheetos. Senorita Ella must ride burro over many dusty trails in search of Cheetos.
Happy trails Senorita Ella...Happy trails.

Ella and Aunt Sister



Now, I bet a few of you are wondering why we call Aunt Sister...Aunt Sister? I could tell you...but I think I'll save that for a later post. We'll name that one..."Aunt Sister? Is she your Aunt? Or your Sister? Here in Kentucky....it could go either way."
Just kidding. We love Aunt Sister, especially Ella. Aunt Sister brings Ella Cheetos...the puffy kind. Her favorite.
So thanks Aunt Sister....for the Cheetos...and the love!

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Coming Soon!


I have been uploading Rachel's recital video since last night and it still isn't finished. Hopefully it will be done soon and you all can see what a fantastic job she did.
Thanks to all her "fans" who came out to watch....she really appreciated it!
The above picture is of Rachel and her voice coach Erika Graham Gaines. She has done a wonderful job with Rachel this semester.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Rachel had her recital today. It was an outstanding performance. We knew she had talent but were a little afraid she might have stagefright. Boy, were we wrong. Rachel is in her element on stage. Way to go Ray-Ray! We are so proud of you!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Rude People

I have always tried to be courteous and use my manners. I was always taught to say "Yes, ma'am" and "Excuse me." I try to instill those traits in my children by my example.
Today I encountered several rude people. Was it National Rude Day and no one told me?
I went to a car wash in an adjoining county. I had some nickels and dimes that needed to be converted into quarters so I could use the vacuum. I asked the attendant if I could get some change, in which he replied, "The change machine is over by the door." I explained to him that I had change but needed quarters and he said, "Well, I would have to go inside to do that..." and walked off. Hello?
So, I left that car wash and went to another that took my debit card. Sometimes personal service is not such a good thing.
I then go to the big store of all stores...the small town wondermall. I want to purchase Ella one of those cheesy plastic pools. I go to the Lawn & Garden section and kindly ask the sales lady if I could please purchase one of the small pools out front. She asked me if I know the price. Well, I know it's eight dollars and something...it was the cheapest one outside. So, I ask her just to give me the cheap one. She wants to know which one that is. She is very upset with me 'cause I don't know which one is the cheapest one? I don't know...look at your price list. I just want the pool. I'll buy one of each. Just check me out so I can go home. It's not brain surgery.
I understand that everyone has a bad day. I have them too. So I'm giving every rude person I encountered today the benefit of the doubt. Tomorrow will be a better day. Let's all get up and say our "Please" and "Thank You's" they're the magic words.
Hey, wait a minute....isn't that a Barney song....I've been watching too much cartoons.

Is This More Effective Than Time Out?



I need a cure for back talking. It's become rampant in this part of the country. A major epidemic. We may need a consult with the CDC. If anyone knows of any effective treatments, please let me know.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Happy to Pissy in 4.2 Seconds




Ella is at that age when you never know which personality you're gonna get. Sweet Ella is an angel. She loves to give hugs and kisses. Pissy Ella is the devil in disguise. She is full of piss and vinegar.
Pissy Ella has been here tonight. If you see Sweet Ella, please send her back home. We miss her.
Thanks!

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Afternoon Tea with PaPa



Ella has PaPa wrapped around her little finger and she knows it. She's only one of two people who could get him to sit at a Strawberry Shortcake table and have a "pretend tea party"...the other is Rachel.
PaPa is the toughest, manliest man I know. If only his tractor pulling buddies could see him now...this may be blackmail!
Alright PaPa...pay up!!! Send a large sack of Benjamin's or all your buddies see this picture and find out what a softy you really are.

Mother's Day


I had the most wonderful Mother's Day. I'm a little late posting about it...but late is better than pregnant.
Todd is a wonderful husband everyday...but especially on holidays. He really makes an effort to make me feel special and appreciated. I am so blessed to be loved unconditionally. He loves me in spite of all my bad traits.
Todd's a good man and father. My best friend. The best decision I ever made. Thank you for making Mother's Day and everyday with you special.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Our Trip to the Zoo

videoSaturday we took the kids to the Louisville Zoo. It was a beautiful day and the kids behaved. Ella was mesmorized. She loved the animals and watching all the kids. She is a people watcher. Rachel's favorite was the gorilla exhibit. They put on quite the show...coming up to the glass and putting their hands with the kids...then beating on their chest and running around.
As you can see by the video above, the kids talked the WHOLE way.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Liar...Liar




I know I told you all there would be no more Derby pies...Well, I lied. I have no self control. It's my mothers fault.
I had to fix dinner for Mother's Day...and I had to fix dessert. A southern woman always has dessert...it would be rude otherwise.
So, the day before I had to make TWO pies. One to sample and make sure everything turned out OK ...the other to serve to my mom. So it's all her fault.
See...I can rationalize anything. Even the size of my butt getting bigger.

P.S. Those beautiful flowers? They're from my sweetie. Isn't he grand?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Motherhood...Trials and Tribulations

I know at times I was awful to my mother. She tells me about it all the time. I even got the dreaded mother curse...."You just wait 'til you have kids." My response ..."I ain't having no kids." Boy, did I eat those words.


The mother curse works. I know cause my mom did it to me....and I'm doing it to my kids. I've already started chanting...."Your kids will drive you crazy....you will never go to the bathroom by yourself again....They will wear your good high heels outside to play in the mud....they will eat all the Twinkies."


I'm chanting and I'm doing my voodoo. What comes around goes around.


I can't wait to see my girls become mothers....hopefully MANY, MANY years from now. First, because they will finally be out of my house (hopefully). Second, I hope that they become better mothers than I have been.


My mom made it look so easy. She was always patient and only lost her cool once that I can remember. I kept begging to go to the library (of all places) and she said not today. I kept on and on and on....then she did something I had never seen her do. She floored the pedal of that sea foam green Lincoln Continental. I would expect this from my dad...but MOM? She was pissed. I got hysterical and acted like I had whiplash. I believed I yelled out something dramatic like "Your gonna kill me driving like that...all I wanted to do was get a book...you don't love me." And you know what happened next? Even though I had acted like a little shit and deserved mom losing her cool and busting my butt (which she didn't)....she apologized to me. WOW. I felt horrible.....maybe she knew the reverse psychology would work? No. My mom is just a good, decent, loving person who loves her kids unconditionally. I call her "Saint Wanda" to my friends....cause that's the way I think of her. She is genuine and good in a world where there's not much of that anymore...I hope my girls get alot of Nana's traits.
I wish I could be like Nana more often. I fail miserably. Life is so hectic and crazy that sometimes I don't give my kids all they need like my mom.


Maybe someday they'll appreciate the fact that I tried really hard to be a good mom...like the mother I have....even when I don't make the grade.


If not, I'll just feed their kids too much sugar and caffeine..let them draw on my walls with chalk....jump on the bed and send them home bouncing off the walls....like Nana does my girls...Maybe they'll think I did a pretty good job after all.

We love you Nana! Happy Belated Mother's Day!
Your #1 Daughter

Potato Candy


Ever heard of potato candy? My mom has made this for as long as I can remember. She says her mother made it during the Great Depression. It was a cheap alternative to store bought candy.

The thought of two things like potatoes and sugar just sounds ICKY...but please don't pass judgement. You'll be passing up a wonderful confection.







POTATO CANDY



1 Small potato peeled and cubed



1 jar of peanut butter (smooth or crunchy....I prefer smooth)



1 box confectioners sugar



Place potato in a cool saucepan of water. Boil until tender. Drain.



Let potato cool slightly in a medium size bowl. Start adding small amounts of powdered sugar until you make a thick rollable mixture. Roll out on wax paper.

Spread with peanut butter. Roll up mixture in a jellyroll and place in wax paper. Refrigerate.

Slice and ENJOY!





Potty Head not to be confused with Potty Mouth


Ella is potty training! Yippee! You think I'm excited? NO.


Yes, diapers are expensive...and nasty...especially the poopy ones. But you know what? They're EASY. Yes, I am a lazy mom.


Before potty training, car trips are a breeze. No stopping at the interstate truck stop and trying to get your toddler not to touch ANYTHING. There are no guaranteed trips to every restaurant bathroom BEFORE you can place your order just to see what they look like. I have the nosiest kids in America. They HAVE to check out the potty everywhere. They should start a Zagat system for bathrooms....


Ella is potty training herself...I have nothing to do with it. If it was up to me, she would wear diapers until she could change herself.


Every five minutes she says..."PEE....PEE"...we go to the potty....sometimes she tinkles....sometimes she just wants to play with the toilet paper. Over an over and over and over.


I need a vacation.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

"Ella Ray Cyrus" Billy Ray's Other Daughter




This is not by any means a professional video....but it's funny as all get out. Ella's wearing her mullet and feeling her redneck groove.



If only I could get her to sing "Achy Breaky Heart"....


video

School Days...School DAZE!

I am so ready for school to end. I'm sure Rachel is too. Spring fever has sprung here at our household. No one wants to be cooped up doing homework or studying for test. We want to be outside playing in the dirt.

School is as hard for us moms as it is for the kiddos. Checking the backpack every evening, tracking down lost assignments, helping with projects....I'm tired just thinking about it. We need fresh air and sunshine....Last day of school please hurry and get here!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Farm Chick's Fabulous Ski Cake




My friend Farm Chick and I both share a love of cooking and EATING. This weekend, we got together for some good gossiping, good cocktails, and good cooking.




For those of you who are not locals, SKI is our holy grail. The nectar of the redneck Gods. A local soft drink that has been "bottled" in our community for years until recently. There's no way to describe a SKI other than it's like a Mountain Dew on crack. Who knows how much caffeine and sugar it has. It is the most wonderful soft drink on the planet. I don't understand why Coca-Cola Corporation hasn't taken it global.




Farm Chick makes cake out of it. Cake and SKI. Two of the most perfect concoctions joined together.....Hallelujah!




Because I am a generous person who thinks everyone should have their cake and eat it too....I'm sharing Farm Chick's recipe. You will thank me again and again. It's the perfect recipe for get togethers. Always turns out perfect and moist...everyone will be envious of your culinary skills.


Enjoy!




Farm Chick's Fabulous Ski Cake




1 lemon pudding cake mix


1 small package lemon instant pudding mix


1 can SKI (Mountain Dew or any citrus type soft drink)


3 eggs


3/4 cup oil




Preheat oven to 375 degrees.


In bowl, mix cake and pudding mix. Incorporate eggs and oil. Slowly add SKI until mixed thouroughly.


Pour batter into greased Bundt pan.


Retain small amount of batter in bowl to eat yourself. YUMMY!


Bake 30 minutes. Let cool slightly and place cake on beautiful cake stand.


A southern momma always has her cake on a pretty cake stand!




Mix 2 Tbsp of SKI with 1 cup of powdered sugar. Drizzle over warm cake.




Also, while waiting for your cake to bake...enjoy a MO"SKI"TO.




1 part vodka


2 parts SKI














Saturday, May 10, 2008

CONTEST!!! Give this photo a name!

Ella has hit the terrible two's just a few months early. Not only is she curious...she gets the "vapors" like Scarlett O'Hara.



This picture was taken on our vacation in Gulf Shores. Notice the Christmas PJ's....well, it's way past Christmas. We just wear 'em til we out grow 'em.



Anyway, Ella spent the majority of her time on vacation like this. People say I will miss this when they're grown? What the? I am not gonna miss the tantrums of toddler hood...unless I become senile. Which is a real possibility. Will my kids take care of me when I become senile...especially after telling all their bad stuff on the 'net? I doubt it. I see a nursing home in my future.



OK people...Here's the contest....Give this photo a name. For the next week I will be taking entries. Place your entry in the comments section at the end of this post. Winner (picked by moi, of course) will be the winner of a $25 gas card. Who doesn't need that? It will only get ya about 6 gallons...but it's free. Only one entry per email address. Good luck and make me laugh!

D

Friday, May 9, 2008

Self Portrait


As I am unloading my digital camera tonight, what do I find? Lots of pictures of Rachel. Lots and lots of pictures. Pictures I don't remember taking...nor does anyone else. Seems that Rachel has been taking her own portrait and has gotten pretty good at it.


Here's the best one so far.

Farm girl gets chicks!



Don't get all crazy on me. No animals were harmed in the posting of this blog. Don't be sending Pamela Anderson down here to save the plight of the chickens...although my husband would be thrilled.

My friend, Farm Chick, has baby chicks. Right now she's raisin' them in a crate in her living room because they're too little to be outside all alone. The coyotes might eat them. She's gonna raise some bantams and have fresh eggs. I'm hoping she will pass on some fresh eggs to her good friend...Hint, hint.

I would raise them myself but I am scared to death they might peck me....or spur me...or worse. I can't risk death for fresh eggs. I will leave that to Farm Chick.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Texans giving Kentucky's cash crop a bad name...

From the Houston Chronicle,
Two men and a juvenile are accused of digging up a corpse, decapitating the body and using the head to smoke marijuana, according to court documents.
Matthew Gonzalez and Kevin Jones have been charged with the misdemeanor offense of abuse of a corpse, said Scott Durfee, a spokesman for the Harris County District Attorneys Office.
According to documents filed in the case, Gonzalez, Jones and an unnamed juvenile on March 15 went to an Humble cemetery, dug up a man's grave, left with the head and turned it into a "bong."
Gonzalez told authorities about the incident Wednesday, and showed officers the defaced grave, including a 4-foot hole. Because of a heavy rain, officers were unable to determine whether the casket or the body had been disturbed.



What are these idiots thinking? Were they already high when they came up with this scheme or permanently fried? The potheads here just roll it in paper and smoke it. At least in Kentucky, we pride ourselves of honoring our deceased.

Rachel is Broadway bound....

Rachel, our Broadway star to be, is having a recital!

She has worked really hard this year in voice lessons.

Her performance for the evening will be "Maybe" from the broadway show Annie. Everyone is invited May 24 at 4:00 pm EDT at Gheens Recital Hall at Campbellsville
University.

Table Manners



This is Ella. Ella loves yogurt. Ella loves to feed herself. Ella does not like to be messy. It makes her very upset. We like to say that Ella is CURIOUS! I don't know where she gets this. Her big sister, Rachel, loves to be messy. The more dirt the better. The kid could get dirty in a sterile room.

Ella wants to feed her self and stay clean but her coordination just ain't there yet....til then...Ella remains curious.

Derby Pie and Cellulite

These two go hand in hand, I promise. My mother in law knows I am on a diet. I mention it 500 times a day. She also knows that I love Derby Pie. She knows that I will have no self control....will sneak over to her house....into her garage....into the extra refrigerator....and eat pie. I have no shame. So what has she done twice in the past week? Made DERBY PIE. I am proud to say they are all gone now and there will be no more. Not because I have any self restraint....but because my mother in law is gone to Gulf Shores. Although, I do have the recipe if I start craving ...

Derby Pie is a staple here in the Bluegrass State. Kern's Kitchens in Louisville, Kentucky has placed an iron-clad trademark on their recipe and the name "Derby pie". There are many variations on Derby pie...some use bourbon...some pecans. However, the closest version of the Kern's recipe I have come across is the one my mother in law uses.



We'll call it: Faye's Derby Pie

Crust for 1 9 inch pie (pre-made is fine...we are not food snobs)

1 cup sugar

1/2 cup flour

2 beaten eggs

1/4 lb (1 stick) butter-melted (this needs to be real butter...we are not counting calories)

1 cup walnuts (never pecans)

1 cup semi sweet chocolate chips (you may eat the rest of the bag as your reward for trying to be Martha Stewart)

whipped cream



Heat oven to 350 degrees. Line pie crust with aluminum foil and bake 15 minutes until crust begins to brown. Remove foil and continue to bake another 5 minutes or so until crust is lightly browned. Remove from oven and cool.

In a bowl, combine sugar and flour. Whisk eggs into mixture, then whisk in melted butter. Fold in walnuts and chocolate chips. Pour into a cooled pre baked pie crust.

Bake for 30 to 45 minutes until center just barely jiggles (like my ass).

Top with whipped cream. Eat whole pie in one setting while still warm. Enjoy!

P.S. For an extra kick...you can add 2 tsp of bourbon to your whipped cream.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Liqour Vote????

Here in our small town of Greensburg, we will soon have the opportunity to vote on special legislation that will allow the sell of alcohol by the glass with certain limitations of only being in the historic district of town, have to serve food, seat a certain number of people, and the building has to be in original condition, blah, blah, blah. What all this boils down to is that 1 or 2 buildings in Greensburg will be available to sell alcohol.
Alot of people in our community are all in a twitter. They do not want alcohol in our town. They will not vote for it. They will not support it in any way due to their religious beliefs. I understand and respect that. However, on any given Saturday, you will find the majority of these people in other towns eating at restaurants that sell alcohol (Red Lobster, O'Charley's, Rafferty's). You may argue that they are not drinking. True. If you are spending your money in a restaurant that sells alcohol and must have food sales of at least 75% to maintain their liquor license, then you ARE contributing to the sales of alcohol. Why not do that here in Greensburg and open the door of opportunities for jobs and tourism income? Let's all be sensible and do what's right for our community. Let's support Sam and Mimi Moore! Vote YES!!!!!!!!

Smoking

I quit smoking Christmas day. I know I should have never started years ago, but I have always had a love affair with cigarettes. I loved to smoke. I loved the way it felt in my fingers, as the smoke rolled down my throat and burned my lungs. I know that sounds sick but I did. I loved it.
My husband, who is the most wonderful man in the world, told me all he wanted for Christmas was for me to quit. So I did. Haven't touched one since. Oh, I miss it. Especially since my ass has gotten HUGE. You see, the replacement for my oral fixation has become anything sweet. Mass quantities of cake, my mother in laws fabulous Derby pie, brownies, handfuls of sugary cereal...I have become a glutton. 12 pounds since Christmas. My pants are too tight and uncomfortable but yet I still eat. I need my jaw wired shut. At times I think I need to start smoking again, but I won't, cause I gave him my word. I promised. Maybe he should make me promise to quit eating all this crap...

What am I Thinking?

Why in the world do I think I have time to blog? I barely have time to take a shower. I always complain I never have any "me" time. Maybe this will be my "me" time. I will sit back, have a cocktail and tell the world all my mothering woes.
Is it just me or does this happen to every mother? Occasionally I will have a day when I feel really bad...it will be all I can do to get through the work day. I will say, "When I get home, I'm gonna feed and bathe the kids and go straight to bed." When you say those words you curse yourself to a night of hell. It never fails. I'll get home and both kids will be bouncing off the walls like the crack fairy has come to visit. The oldest will have double homework and will whine the whole time. The youngest will take off her diaper and poop in the floor. Someone will vomit on the rug and it will need to be shampooed. Something will break at the house and need to be fixed. It always happens when you mention those words.
I am having on of those days today...I feel horrible. Sinus pressure and pain...my head is gonna explode...but I have to be at work and trudge through. However, I have learned my lesson. I am not gonna say those words...those words that cause all the evil things to happen. All I will say is that I am going home to deal with the remnents of the crack fairy....and pray.